Ava's reflections on forgiveness

Ava looking out on Cape Town

Well, we are nearly a month until we return home. I am beginning to mentally process this fact. In doing so and continuing my self-reflection that has been an ongoing process, I have thought of the concept of forgiveness quite a bit. The other day I saw the play, "A Human Being Died That Night". I am also reading the book for Marita’s class. This works out well because in our History and Politics of South Africa class, we have been talking about the TRC (Truth and Reconciliation Committee).  As I mentioned in my last post, the TRC sought to give amnesty to those working for and against apartheid as long as they told the entire truth about their actions as well as had some political motivation behind it. This book talks about one apartheid figurehead in particular, Eugene de Kock. De Kock was a policeman and head of the covert operations for the apartheid government, committing mass murders and gruesome homicides. Pumla Gobodo-Madikizela is a psychologist and former member of the TRC who interviewed de Kock about his experiences. The book goes on to talk about the nature of evil as well as the human capacity to commit evil actions and the ability to forgive. Forgiveness, I find, is a most interesting concept. I cannot forgive the CEO’s of Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch for indirectly causing economic strife for my family, yet the wives of de Kock’s victims can hold his hand and cry with and for his corrupted soul, forgiving him for brutally murdering their husbands. I cannot forgive a country that allowed thousands to become homeless to allow few to gain unbelievable wealth, yet South Africa embraced those who had oppressed its people, and granted amnesty to mass murders and human rights violators. I try to understand the magnitude of such forgiveness, and I can’t help but think to myself if I would be capable of looking someone directly in the eye who has violated me in such a way and forgive them. How can anyone? I think about my experiences at Christel House, working as a social worker. The same kids who braided my hair, jumped on me and hugged me every day, greeting me with a smile now come to me with deep emotional and physical wounds. The societies that they come from are a product of apartheid. The violence they experience is a product of apartheid. It blows my mind that they are still so loving and forgiving of those around them who look like the people who beat and starved their parents and that they grasp this concept at such a young age.

The interactions of Pumla trying to understand where de Kock became the murderer and how the goodness of him tries to come through in remorse are extremely powerful. It makes me think about those who are trained to kill in the US Army and Navy. When the US officially entered war after 9/11, documentaries were made that interviewed young soldiers who had recently been deployed. They equated killing “enemy soldiers” to playing video games. Our society likes to dehumanize the “other”. If the “other” is no longer human, it is easy to kill and to violate his or her human rights. When you are being congratulated and told you’re a hero, being rewarded and constantly fed information that these are not people, just something evil, it’s easy to see why soldiers are charged with brutal crimes, homicides and human rights violations. Newspaper articles are always saying, “the monster, evil, no remorse, soulless, terrorist”- the person must be stripped of their humanity so that the public can publically bash them. If someone is given a terrorist label, it allows that whole country to be represented in that way and makes it okay for the US to bomb the land and exploit the people. I wonder about the Boston Bomber and Newtown, even back to Osama Bin Laden and the horrible way he was killed- are they no longer humans with families? Is humanity lost after you take someone’s life? If so, is that humanity restored because the person can show remorse? All of these things are reflected in the book, as well as practiced by all of the South Africans that I have met.

I’ve also been going to Elonwabeni Child & Family Centre to do my activist project there. Our activist projects are of our choosing, so my co-educators Kiya, Manuela, Val, Tina and I have decided to do ours there. Elonwabeni, located in Mitchell’s Plain, caters to children who have lost their parents to AIDS and HIV and who have seen substance abuse, domestic violence, and child abuse in the home. There are currently 26 children living there, 7 of which are “teens”. The teens have to take care of the kids, clean up after them, etc. They never have any private space to themselves or have a quiet area to do homework. So, our project is to clear out an old room and paint and decorate it to give them that space. Today when we went, I talked to one of the girls for quite a long time. She had so much to say. We talked about her prom dress, boys, school and friends and the orphanage and she spoke in a way that told me she has not been able to talk about these things in ages. Even though the room will be for the centre use only, I know that it makes a difference to these kids and that is completely worth it.

Lastly, I begin to come to terms with the fact that I will soon be departing this beautiful place. I am starting to think about what I have learned, what I have shared with others, and if I’ve grown as a person. Ben, our RA, mentioned that the growth here would be slow, and that I would not think I had grown until I looked back and reflected. Well, he was definitely right. I still have another month to finish off the final expansions of my comfort zone. Until then.